I know life is not fair for in order for one person to win another must lose. I know that sometimes a person is successful for nothing more than being at the right time at the right place. Luck, fate and perseverance can be as important (if not more) as education, training and connections. People can rant "why do bad books sell?" or "why does that (fill in the blank) get a raise and I don't?" The simple answer is because they do. What right do we have to judge what is good or bad, who's deserving or not. Writing is an art and as such, success is judged primarily on what sells. In the end, hype can be more valuable than proper grammar or structure. It doesn't mean you shouldn't care about such things, it just means that you have to write for you and if you happen to tap into the vein of popular commerce then you should consider yourself blessed.
Everyone has their dark days filled with doubt. Fear shadows and doubt haunts us all. I guess you just have to get to a point where you say "F*CK EM", maybe I can't write (or paint, sing, dance...whatever) but I enjoy it and so what if I never get to be the next (fill in the blank), but that's okay because I am better at just being me. (Okay that was my Jack Handey moment). So, here I go, being me. I have gotten back to writing and will have this wip "Just Say Yes" finished by Sunday (yes, you can hold me to this) and ready to send off for a good round of edits with a professional. Ultimate goal is to have it submitted to the publisher before December. Then I will go back and pick another unfinished project and complete it (rinse/repeat).
I might suck, but at least I will no longer be digging myself any deeper into this rut I've fallen into. I've chosen my path and picked a direction. There will be thorns and hazards along the way and tons of bunnies to distract me, but I'm moving forward and however long it takes, I'm going to get there...eventually.