I don't believe I every gave much thought to anything of significance as a child. The sun came up and went down regardless of what I did or where I was. Politics, homelessness, war...were talked with hushed tones. To say I was sheltered was an understatement. I was, and to some degree still am, spoiled. As such, I never really did grasp the whole actions/consequences concept. To this day, I still struggle to mend fences I tore down years ago with my carelessness or thoughtlessness of others. I didn't learn until way too late that words hurt faster than they heal and somethings should be left unspoken even with the best and closest of friends.
In the end, I wish I had realized that words/conversations are a lot like skipping stones across a lake. It doesn't take a lot of force or many attempts to disrupt the calmness of the water. That first bounce sends waves racing a distance away, never able to be taken back. The repercussion sparks a new ripple which sparks a new one and so on and so forth. You can never take it back. You just have to let it flow and pick up the pieces left behind. A stone unthrown will never cause a ripple or a break, but it also won't go anywhere.
The best we can hope for is a group of friends willing to forgive us for our shortcomings and that stand by us come what may. Sometimes the biggest drama queens put on the best shows. I just need to remember that just because someone is there for me at my worst, does not mean they always will be, especially if I continuously take them for granted. That the person who always says yes, might need a hand in helping them learn to say no (even to me).
As I write this, I can think of so many people I have hurt and that in a way have inspired me to help others. I wish I could change the harsh and insensitive things I've said and done, but I can't. I wish I could say I will never do those sorts of things in the future, but I will. All I can do is try to be better...do better and hope the ripples I send out into the world inspire others and not tear them down. I am the only me I can be, but I am getting better.
~Mags :)
